Day six

I am still shaky in the morning
And tired
I woke again at 5:30
After struggling to fall asleep
For an eternity
I was tired
I know I was tired
But I took a pill
And was wide awake
Turning restlessly
Legs thrashing about
Oddly upset
Because the lights outside my window
Seen through my near-sighted blur
Were not their usual friendly twinkle
But seemed hostile
Arranging themselves
Into multi-eyed monsters
Ready to sit on my chest
And suffocate me
My thoughts ran round in circles
Is the cure worth the cost
Nausea and hunger
Constant shakiness
As if I might stumble into a wall
At any moment
Enhancing my already terminal
Clumsiness
And who knows what’s going on inside
Is the drug preventing negative thoughts
Or do the thoughts begin
Only to be diverted before reaching
My consciousness
Before spawning tears or frowns
And where do they go then
If no energy is ever destroyed
Are my negative thoughts transforming
Into my stomach pangs
And muscle twitches
Or are they evaporating off my body
Somehow
Am I endangering other people
With my extraneous anxiety
Can it be recycled
Fuel a small office building
Maybe they would pay me
To be on this drug
Keep their computer banks running
And their fluorescent lights glowing
Or could I donate my anxiety
To a third world country
Collect it in fuel cells
Transport it in metal lockers labeled
Warning: toxic anxiety
Handle with care
I am not afraid
But I do not want to trade
One kind of pain for another
And why oh why
Did I dream last night
(Could it be the drug)
Of buying pie with my sister

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