Odd feeling

what is this odd feeling
so vaguely familiar like
a memory from long
ago barely remembered
except at the edge of sleep
I may have to consult
my dictionary but I think
it’s called happiness
because the sun sparkled
extra bright on the lake
this morning and the
clouds popped through
my window in such sharp
focus that I caught myself
singing to the cat about
those seven half-built
manors and I am startled
by the intensity of this
emotion and the thought
of how depressed I must
have been for the contrast
to be so great and yet an
undercurrent of sadness
remains because it took
a pill to remove barriers
to this feeling and why
couldn’t I get it on my
own and what did people
do before all the powders
and the pills except place
stones in their pockets
and step into the river
oh what else might
Virginia have written
if she had the modern
pharmacy at her disposal
or would it all be crap
if we took away her pain
I have no answers and
at this moment I don’t
want any I only want
to live in this moment
this happiness