Endgame

I anticipate it,
The rejection,
The loneliness,
Even before we start.
I embrace its familiar
Folds, its dark cloth,
Woven of all my expectations
Dashed, always disappointed,
As blissful as it is to
Imagine a life shared,
The pain is a little sharper
Each time the dream ends.
Is it a test, a game?
God dangles the bait before me,
And again, I reach for it?
I would like to know now
How it all resolves;
I could relax, accept fate,
Ah, so that’s how it ends,
And prepare quietly
For my years of solitude
In cabins and condos
With whatever gray cat
Deigns to join me.